I Have a Confession…

Not a juicy confession unfortunately. I will save those for another day.

And not that it really matters a whole lot to anyone… but almost everything inside of my apartment was gifted to me. 

I’m not exaggerating.

My couch.
The red leather recliner.
My coffee table.
The computer, the monitor and also the keyboard.
The dining room table.
My California king size pillowtop bed. The two antique dressers in my bedroom.
My plastic nightstands.
My sons entire bedroom set.
All of the rugs in the apartment.
Every single one of my dishes.
The bookshelf.
Most of my DVD’s.
The DVD player.
The bathroom towels (except for the two I hang for show).
Even the shower curtain.

A majority of my clothes and also my sons clothes were hand me downs.

I am not worried at all that nothing in my apartment matches. It all works. It all serves its purpose.

I admire the homes I visit where everything is new and modern and new.

I admit, I look forward to one day having new stuff.

Things I can actually call MY OWN, that I can choose myself and purchase with my own hard earned money.

Things that are all MY STYLE. (whatever “my style” is)

And I look forward to one day having internet for that old computer. Maybe even a new computer. Or laptop even. And cable tv… With HBO. So I can watch some of these shows that everyone is talking about.

I look forward to one day getting to use my very own washer and dryer instead of taking my dirty clothes elsewhere every week. The excitement to have my own vacuum cleaner one day instead of borrowing my moms and the luxury of getting to put my dishes into a machine that washes them for me…  

I consider myself extremely blessed. Maybe even a little spoiled. And I won’t take any of it for granted.

But mark my words… one day, I’ll catch up. 🙂

A Day in September…

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him.

I often think of the sound of his “Hello” when he answered the phone. In my mind, I’ll sometimes hear him tell me “That’s great!” or his usual “EH!”

Thinking of him reminds me of the importance of checking the air in my tires, the oil in my car and going bike riding with my son. My brothers especially will often do or say things that remind me of him. When I visit my mom’s house, I notice little things that haven’t been done and realize they aren’t done because he isn’t there to do them.

Sometimes I see things, hear things, smell things… and there is no doubt in my mind that his essence lingers.

I get a whiff of his scent more often now than I did when he was alive.

My son mentions him almost daily and we try to visit his grave monthly, usually right after church since its close by. The last time we went, we placed pinecones in each corner of his stone that reads “We love you just the way you are.”

Here is a little something he wrote about me in 1994 inside one of his many letters to my mom, “Christen more than most of us tends to look beyond the exterior trappings, and relate to the real person inside…” I think he might have known me better than I knew myself.

I find myself wanting to discuss the church services with him. I often wonder what he would have to say about certain subjects and situations. When he was alive, I would sit for long periods of time only half way listening to what he was talking about and wish to this day I had recorded his voice and some of his interesting and passionate rants about life and politics.

Next month, I will be attending a reunion and Memorial Service at his Elementary School that they will be having in his honor. Not only do I look forward to being on the island again, but I hope to hear a new story or two about him that I’ve never heard.

I’ll always remember one of the many weekend mornings, when I was cooking his breakfast; he sat across from me waiting patiently for his eggs and bacon. Smiling at me, he tilted his head and with his eyebrows lifted said…

“You know, the birds don’t sing because they are happy… they sing to be happy.”

It’s hard to believe that it was only a year ago we all hung out and had a cookout to celebrate his birthday. We cooked hamburgers on the grill and of course by request, had his favorite… pineapple upside-down cake.

September 5th 2013 would have been our dad’s 63rd birthday. Tonight, I might ask my older brother to make his delicious pineapple upside-down cake just for tradition and tomorrow after we eat it, I will go for a bike ride with my son.

Thanks for taking time to read this… and please try to make time today to show those you care about how much they mean to you.

A Blessed Day…

“Good Morning Christen.

I’m sitting here in prayer and Lord showed me your face. Then I saw a vision of a tangled up ball of yarn.

I heard the Lord say the confusion will be unraveled once you open your mouth in worship to him daily.

That the places where you tried to get closer to him have seemed dry! The Lord says he is moving you out of the dry desert place into a place where you will begin to have a freshness of life and rain.

That he loves that you have pushed past what you feel even in the dry places. For now because you have pushed… his rain and freshness of life is coming to you. For in the next 2 months you will begin to live at a new level of understanding.

Also the hidden brokenness of your heart he knows. For he says open that deep place that you have kept hidden to him. He already knows.

That he can fill your heart with his joy. That the days of missing will end and it will move into memories of being blessed.

Have a blessed day.”

…What an amazing message to wake up to. Who am I not to follow this simple request?

This was in my inbox this morning. It comes from a friend whom I’ve not spoken to very frequently over the last 15 years… but him and his family has stayed very close in heart, mind and spirit.

Just thought I’d share…

The Power…

Yesterday, after grocery shopping, I began loading my purchases into my car on the passenger side… as a group of three young women with two infants loaded up their truck on my driver’s side. I was patient and took my time as I knew the time it takes for my one child, much less two and a stroller.

As I finish loading my things, I walk around and stand behind their open car door. In front of the open door, one of the three women is folding up the stroller and begins to walk towards the back of the truck.

I say, “Excuse me, can I squeeze through here?” and I use my right hand to close the open door a few inches so I can get through to my own driver’s side door.

The driver with a raised voice says to me, “YOU can SAY excuse ME! Don’t TOUCH my car!”

I turn, look at this little woman and say, “Really? I’m sorry… I did say excuse me.” And I cock my head to the right looking at her confused thinking to myself how DARE she!!!!???!!!

People are rarely rude to me. I am non-confrontational and a nice and polite person. I have never in my life been in a fight nor do I take my frustrations out on strangers. It is hard for me to understand how some people are able to live with themselves after they go out of their way to be rude or purposely hurt other people.

Maybe some people act this way because it’s how they were taught… to be defensive or to be racist. Maybe it is a learned behavior. For some people, being hurtful or spiteful towards others helps them feel bigger and better about themselves.

As I drove away, I wished I had stepped up and asked if that was really necessary… even though that may have caused a punch in my face. I literally drove home extremely sad. I prayed for her and asked God to show that woman compassion. I prayed that those children grow up in a loving home and are taught to treat people how they want to be treated.

Today I am thankful for the Power of putting it in God’s hands….

I find myself using the Power numerous times a day, 7 days a week. If I did not take advantage of that power, I would be a MESS!

I refuse to feel defeated.

That’s all for now.

Sad.

Sometimes we just aren’t capable of holding it together anymore.

The last two days I have been an emotional roller coaster. Saturday night I fell asleep with tears. Sunday morning I woke up with tears. Then drove to church with tears and even worshiped with tears. Not boohoo type tears, they just kept silently falling. Although I did leave church with tears, thankfully they were not as heavy. I then napped with tears and just sulked the rest of the evening until I laid down for the night.

I went to bed last night attempting to meditate into that place of steady simplicity. I made it to about 40%.

My thoughts are a spiral whirlwind of uneasiness.

I just can’t shake it. The most recent events have caused a hurricane inside my heavy heart.

Talking about everything that’s happening in my world will not make it go away. Nor will it make me feel any better.

I have always been the strong one. Yet lately, I am so weak and so tired.

I wish I knew how to fix this without suffering first. I know time heals and patience is important. I will continue to have faith, and trust Him to guide me in the right direction.

Letting go… Slowly. 

Scattered Purpose.

Warning: Due to scattered thoughts, this entry may be all over the place.

Recently, I stopped believing in coincidence.

Things don’t just happen by chance. At any giving moment, I passionately believe, I am where I am for a purpose.

Opportunities and people are brought into my life for a reason.

I don’t necessarily need to know the reason; I just need to keep in mind… Everyone and everything has a purpose.

I also strongly feel that my (re)actions have a large impact on where I am, where I am going and how I am feeling.

Obviously, life is what you make it. There is no going backwards, only forward. You won’t get where you’re going by just being.

Right?

Scattered…

I just had a birthday a few days ago. I’m 32 years young. The celebrations were amazing and so much fun. I have the greatest group of people supporting me and loving me it is sometimes overwhelming. It feels good.

Scattered… I warned you…

If I didn’t wake up when I did yesterday, I wouldn’t have been at church to hear the uplifting words that I was meant to hear.

If I didn’t make that spur of the moment decision to stop to get chips and queso, I wouldn’t have had that inspiring conversation with the stranger I was standing behind in line.

If I didn’t decide to stay at home yesterday afternoon, I wouldn’t have had the wonderful evening with my neighbor that gave me that much needed time to reflect on some of the uneasy but necessary decisions I’ve been making in my life.

If I didn’t accept the request last night to meet my mother and her best friend for ice cream, I wouldn’t have heard them tell me how proud they are of me for my strength and influence.

And that’s just yesterday.

Scattered…

When I witness conflict, or anything or anyone causing me to have negative thoughts or feelings, I become this raging yet compassionate yet cold hearted walking anti depressant.

Yeah, makes no sense does it?

I tend to push away those people who bring to surface these negative feelings. I recently realized that this could be a bad thing for the people I genuinely care about and I’m working on this internally, around the clock.

I have been in that place where I’ve allowed a situation to drain me emotionally to the point of feeling empty inside. I don’t enjoy those feelings and will do everything I can to avoid it.

Some people have said I have a “switch”. I like to call it control or awareness or simply mental stability. Or maybe it’s an instinct.

Or maybe I’m just insane.

I’m trying to learn how to show compassion for those people that don’t have the ability to control their thoughts. I’m learning that I shouldn’t say things like , “You shouldn’t feel that way” … because they are obviously already feeling that way…

Telling someone they shouldn’t feel a way they are already feeling really doesn’t make any sense.

Scattered…

I’ve had mixed feelings about the magnetic energy in which certain people possess (myself included). Sometimes I am drawn to people, even strangers, in a way that can only be described as magnetic.

I’m learning how to (re)act on these energies. It’s not a simple task.

Sometimes I can’t help but think it’s my connection with the Higher Power guiding and directing me… and sometimes it feels much like I have psychic or very strong intuitive abilities.

Either way, I’m grateful for the guidance.

My blogish feeling has been satisfied… for now.

Quit Smoking.

I used to like to smoke cigarettes.

I’d buy two packs at a time.

I started smoking at age 13.

And was an everyday smoker for 16 years.

Newport Lights were my flavor.

Before breakfast. After breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. Commercial breaks. Car rides. Happy Hours. During bathtime. After sex. Coffee breaks. Gossip time. Phone calls. Stress relief. Before bed.

I even smoked when I was pregnant.

And I regret it everyday.

When I finally quit cold turkey…

it was Golden.

I was ready. It was time.

Years later, my father, a smoker for 40 years, was diagnosed with lung cancer.

Six months after he started his treatments, he laid in the hospital bed, hooked up to all the machines that gave him oxygen and helped him breathe…

I rested my hand on his chest, and I felt all the fluid… and all the rattling…

And I’m grateful.

I’m a quitter.

RIP Daddy… 12/17/2012

Who’s That Girl…

Random useless knowledge about the girl… just because.

Inspirational and motivational blogs, quotes, books… they are my fuel. I visit sites such as ThinkSimpleNow, Tiny Buddha and PurposeFairy almost every single day. I read books like “One Day My Soul Just Opened Up” and “In the Meantime” by Iyanla Vanzant and “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. I read my “Daily Word” every morning and afternoon.

I have journals that I have been writing in for a long time. If I ever had a house fire, and could save any item from burning to ash, those would be the first items I would grab. Inside these journals are small excerpts from my daily life with my son. Written inside are all of the big and small experiences we have had and stories about the many fun things we’ve done. If he says something funny, I write it down. If we reach a milestone, I write it down. If anything big or small happens, I write it down. I am proud of this and hope one day to have the opportunity to share the journals with him… or maybe even his children if being a parent is the path that is meant for him.

Is it abnormal for someone to often think about their own funeral? The songs that will be played. The pictures chosen for the slideshow. The words that will be expressed to family and friends. The eulogy. I think about those things so often its unhealthy. I’ve actually started to take notes in a specific section of my journal hoping that once my time here is over, someone will find my suggestions and use them on that day they celebrate my life.

My cat Chloe sometimes travels with me to my mom’s house on the weekends. She will follow me inside neighbor’s houses and around the neighborhood when I go for walks. She eats people food and hates when I push the snooze button in the mornings. She sleeps by my head at night, drinks my bath water and attacks people for no reason.

I can fall asleep anywhere and I nap daily. I like to call it “resting my eyes”. Napping gives my eyes a break and my brain the extra charge it needs to get me through the evening. I could also call this my meditation time. If you find me grumpy or dazed, it’s probably because I skipped my nap. I admire people who say things like “I will sleep when I die” because they don’t need that recharge I am desperate for most days.

I wear band-aids on my fingernails so I don’t bite them… and sometimes 3 or 4 of them.

When I go out to eat on my lunch breaks during the week, I prefer to eat alone. I enjoy company, but also enjoy my time alone. I’m that girl you see sitting by herself at the restaurant reading a book or the Washington Post. I meet a lot of people who don’t understand that… because they are the total opposite and feel weird eating by themselves. Dining alone allows me the opportunity to order and eat fast and still have time to catch my catnap in my car before returning to work.

I don’t watch much TV and that limits a lot of my casual conversation. I haven’t had cable in my home since 2007. I don’t watch enough of it to justify the money spent every month and I’d rather spend my time doing something more productive. Like taking my cat nap or reading a page from a book.

I don’t pay for internet either. Actually, I don’t even own my own computer. I may have to change all of that soon since my son is getting older and will need these things for education purposes.

I began working at a local family owned hardware store at the age of 15. It was my 2nd home for 4 years. I love that store and the people in it. It was there that I learned the importance of family, customer service and my way around a toolbox.

After high school, I became a teacher’s assistant in an elementary special education behavioral intervention classroom. I loved teaching and making a difference in the lives of children. It was a challenge and never a dull day. At one point I thought it was my passion in life. It was there that I learned how to be patient, how to deal with difficult people and how not to let other peoples circumstances effect me. While employed with the school I took courses at the community college and struggled with finding my professional purpose. It was then that I found my passion for painting and writing. Unfortunately, I wasn’t as great at being a student as I was at being the teacher and I admire those who are able to sit through classes and online courses with the goal of earning that “piece of paper” that would maybe give them the opportunity to make 3x more money than people like myself.

I’ve worked part time at a women’s fitness center for 10 years. It is there that my love for fitness and health grew into the passion of motivating and empowering women to better themselves.

I live in an apartment with no dishwasher and no washer and dryer. I wash dishes by hand and bring my dirty laundry to my family and friend’s houses when I visit.

I don’t match socks and throw them in a plastic box that I keep under my dresser. I’d rather buy a new pack of socks than spend time matching them.

I have one tattoo of three boring stars on my right foot. It desperately needs to be touched up. I want another one.

I have a hard time saying “you’re welcome” when people say thank you. I’m not sure why.

I have more than 10 best friends and I love them all the same. I am one of those people that can go weeks and even months without talking to someone, and think nothing of it, and when we get together… nothing has changed. Then we just talk and talk and talk… since there is SO MUCH to catch up on. I hope that never changes, even as we grow older and start families of our own.

I am one of five children and we all live in the same town, only a few miles apart and we get together for dinner every Sunday. My parents were married 38 years before my dad passed away from lung cancer last winter. I am doing everything in my power to help my mom heal and learn ways to live this strange new life.

Someone close to me once called my “energy” fake saying my positive outlook on life wasn’t real and that was just my way of me dealing with myself. That stung a little, until she said she considered me a walking anti-depressant.

My outlook and opinion isn’t always one people should follow, and I know I can’t help everyone… but one person is better than none. I strive to speak only with love and respect and to choose words and actions that contribute the well being of people around me. Of course it doesn’t always work out that way…

Cigarettes used to be my weakness until 3 ½ years ago. I made the decision to quit and never looked back. (okay. Maybe one night I looked back, but that was it) It was powerful finding out how easy it was for me by simply changing my thoughts and redirecting my habits. It helped me to realize how strong I am mentally. Now, if only changing my eating habits were just as easy.

That’s it for now… I imagine I will add more as life goes on.

My Weekend of Simplicity.

It’s so wonderful having a place to go on the weekends to hide out, to get that change of pace and scenery, to get away from it all… to just be.

I’ve been going to Colonial Beach since my childhood. I remember being there with chicken pox as a child, spending full days on my uncle’s boat on the water and also in the yard, crawling through windows and running around like crazy children… usually in our bathing suits. It’s where I found my love for boating, crab meat and hush puppies.

When I talk to people about the “Rivah House”, I will sometimes compare it to camping.

Maybe it’s because my favorite thing to do while there is to sleep outside on the screened in porch (the California king-size pillow top makes it feel like sleeping on top of a cloud). Late at night and early in the morning you will hear the quiet sounds of the small town, the birds, the trees, and the river one block away. Sometimes late in the evening you can hear the live music from the Tiki Bar 4 blocks down the street or the neighbors putting off fireworks down the road. I won’t mention the few times I was rudely woke up to a neighbor mowing or hammering the side of his house 10 feet away from my head.

Maybe it’s like camping to me because we shower outside. It’s not like when we were children, where we were showering naked two at a time underneath a faucet coming out of the side of the shed. A few years back, a wonderful man built us a large enclosed shower. It is complete with a screen all the way around the roof, showing a string of lantern lights to have available when showering at night and colorful fish along the walls and shell stickers on the floor. I won’t mention the dark hole I have to put my hand down into to turn it on, or the spider webs. The only thing I am concerned about is remembering to get my “large” towel for the walk to the house when I finish.

Maybe it’s like camping to me because we use a 60 year old antique gas stove complete with uneven burners and a knob to turn it on and off after every use. That thing is tricky and I have become a chef master cooking on it.

When I visit, some of my favorite things about the little town are the simplest of things:

The beach of course… I won’t mention the dirty water since I only get in when necessary… like when I’m getting on a jet ski or when I don’t want to walk back to the house to pee. Although, the kids love the water just as much as I did when I was younger and my son will play in it all day if I let him. I love just being in the sunshine on the water. It is therapeutic for me and always will be.

The friendly people. During my visit this weekend, I had the pleasure of getting one of my workouts by “fast walking” around town with my headphones in for nearly an hour. My son walked with me and we held hands as we shared the ear buds. At one point we were walking up the middle of the road doing the cupid shuffle. A moment I will never forget. All the while… pretty much every person who we passed or passed us, smiled and waved. I won’t mention the one lady gardening that looked right at my 8 year old when he waved and said hello to her and she completely ignored him.

Bike Riding. I ride my dad’s bike around my hometown sometimes, but it’s nothing like riding at the river. Maybe it’s the view of the water that makes it better, or the honeysuckles around every corner, or being in the small town with little traffic. It’s like I share the road with more golf carts than I do cars. This past weekend I brought my music along for the ride, I put it on the Bob Marley station and off I went. I rode around for at least 45 minutes. I smiled and rang my little bike bell when I passed people walking. It really was the greatest.

The shops. I have yet to visit some of the vintage and antique shops and there’s also the new art gallery. Last summer I came across the Art Studio A and pottery place. I even had a chance to speak with one of the owners about displaying and selling my art and it’s looking promising. I just need to get some worthy paintings completed.

The Marinas. I get great joy out of walking around the marina where the boats are docked. I fantasize about owning one of my own someday and toy around with boat names like some would their future child. I brought the kids up there this weekend and I had to explain to my son that asking people to take him for a ride or to see the inside of their boat was inappropriate. My niece was shocked to hear that there were beds and bathrooms on board and people live on them. My 2 year old nephew enjoyed the ducks more than he did the boats… but I imagine that will change with time.

It wasn’t until halfway through my 3 day weekend that I decided I wanted to write a blog about my time away. I took notes… Literally.

Some of the things I saw or we did, I wrote one word to help me remember that very moment so I was able to write about it.

When we arrived, we took a few minutes to park by the beach to capture photos of the moonlight on the water. The last two days we were there, the moon was low, large and a beautiful bright orange. I must remember to bring my real camera in the future so I am able to capture better photographs. 

On our first morning, the lawn mower shut off two minutes after my 8 year old son took over mowing the front lawn. After turning it over and tinkering with wheels, blades and wires… taking a beer break, telling my sister I am determined to get it running… turning it over a second time and calling my little brother twice… I realized that it wasn’t really broken, it only needed more gas. Magic!

My sister and I both took advantage of the oversized sunken antique tub. I am not usually a bath person, but there is something about that fancy tub that I enjoy.

The smell of incense will always bring me to a special place.

We had coffee with delicious sweet cream creamer, egg and cheese breakfast sandwiches and bacon of course, strawberries and watermelon, tacos, red wine, lucky charms, lunchtime mimosas, corn on the cob… And more.

The kids played inside the caterpillar tent in the back yard and I found the mirror treasure in a neighbors trash. I took the risky “slow motion” video of my bike ride. The ducks were fun to watch during our walk and Sabastian guarded the open door while I used the bathroom at the Marina.

During what was supposed to be a quick trip to the Food Lion for pita chips and milk… the computers had crashed. So I decided to open my box of ice cream sandwiches and offered one to each person in line. Might as well make the best of it.

My sister and I watched an entire movie!! With no interruptions! That is rare in itself.

It really was a great weekend. And I hope to do it with family and friends at least twice a month all summer long.

Not many people are able to appreciate the simple things in life. I admit that I may do it enough for 50 people… but I am grateful to be blessed with the ability.

My Experience as Co-Host

This time last week I was creating in my mind a facebook status that would cause me to win a spot as co-host on a new talk radio show. The whole concept of this radio show, GettinDEEP, is to bring men and women together, to learn how to communicate and to be better partners.

Cause we all know that’s something I’m good at. Communicating and being the best partner.

And I hope you can sense my sarcasm.

So I may not be in a relationship right now, and the most recent rollercoaster I was in was far from healthy… but I know what it takes for a relationship to work.

Or do I? Because I can’t help but think that if I did, I wouldn’t be single right now.

I recall being straight forward, and laying it all out on the table. Explaining to the ex my expectations of what it takes to keep me happy and our relationship healthy. I recall him doing the same and we both worked on our individual issues.

Or did we? Here I am two years later and in transition once again. I compare it all to a merry go round and call it a cycle.

I’ve realized that sometimes people aren’t capable of change. No matter how much effort you put in, even communication and compromise can’t keep a relationship happy when two people simply aren’t compatible.

Anyway, so last week as I sat in my car on my lunch break typing out my request for all my friends to vote for me to be on this radio show, I was hesitant to hit post. I had these overwhelming thoughts of “what could I possibly have to teach anyone?” and “what if I get on there and sound like an idiot?”

Even with my hesitation, I knew deep inside that it was something I was meant to do. I haven’t figured out why, and I may never know for sure… but I am glad I went for it. Cause I won.

So last night, I was GettinDEEP. Here is the link if you missed it…

http://m.soundcloud.com/#/kevinandrock/gettin-deep-5-1-13-episode-1

Everyone is saying we did great, that I’m a natural, and they said they plan on listening again next week.

Well, this morning I woke up before my alarm, which never happens, and inside my head I keep replaying some of the things I said and some of the things I should have said…

As I remind myself that it’s in the past, I realize that nothing good can come from me dwelling on it. But I still had an uneasy feeling…

I soon find out that my friend of 15 years listened in with her extremely insecure fiancé. She told me he turned it off after 30 minutes of listening, because it caused them to argue. She communicated to him that being accused of cheating all the time, may in turn cause a woman (not necessarily her) to cheat.

Even though they argued, I couldn’t help but feel accomplished. It helped them communicate. Even though they didn’t listen for long, it helped one person tell another how they felt.

This morning I got a text from a friend asking my opinion on a topic. She asked, “When a man is staying with a woman ONLY because of her skills in the bedroom… is that enough to keep a relationship going?”

My answer was no. Sex is not enough when there is no love. He will fill the void that he’s not getting somewhere. Whether it be emotional or physical.

This response contradicts something I said on air last night. When asked if my partner wanted sex 5x a week, I said I would try to compromise and request 3x… then my partner co-host said she’d wonder where he was getting the other two. I immediately took it back in my head… because I knew she was right.

It made me feel good to know people were talking about the show.

Then I soon began to realize why I was feeling so uneasy.

It was obvious that I’m not satisfied with my responses.Which I imagine is completely normal for someone who was doing this for the first time.

So I thought about where I made my mistake and how it could have been avoided.

I tried to generalize everything. I was making the attempt to speak for more than just myself. I was taking all the experiences I’ve gathered from friends and using that as my ammo.

One friend told me about a time she cheated just to help her get over her guy cheating… so I used that as to why some women cheat. They cheat to get revenge or to ease their mind.

Another friend told me about how her guy wants sex all the time and she didn’t care much for sex at all… She is content with having it once a month. My response to that was “Wow! 12x a year? 12 times in 365 days? How could you be ok with that?? That wouldn’t be enough for any man.” Not getting it as much as you prefer, may cause one to cheat.

My friend asked me how to approach her partner about having an open relationship to avoid the temptation to cheat.

Another was telling me they cheat because of how good it feels to have the “newness” or the attention is like a high for them.

Some people just have a sex addiction. They can’t go a day without it. It’s like their medicine.

A guy told me he cheated cause he always had it in his head that he could do better.

Some people like to be cheated on, and they might prefer you do it right in front of them… Or do it together.

Every relationship is different. People cheat for different reasons.

None of this had anything to do with how I should have responded… which is simply, shit happens. People make mistakes.

The one time I “stepped out”… given the unfortunate circumstances… It was because I got caught up in the moment. I wasn’t thinking about the consequences or who I was hurting.

Cheating is a very selfish and disrespectful thing to do when you are in a committed relationship.

I’ve always said if you want to have sex with someone else, why be in a relationship at all? Does your partner not deserve the respect… And if the answer is no, then you really should reevaluate why you would stay in a relationship with someone you have no respect for.

As for sex, personally, in my world, if its good, I’m willing to give it to my guy as many times as he wants.

I like sex. Sex relieves my stress. Sex makes me sleep better and helps me to have a better day. It’s a lot like my workouts. Sex will usually make my headaches go away and any negative thoughts will drift away… Even if only momentarily. It makes me smile, and I like to smile.

Why I tried to challenge my own personal answers… I have no clue.

Although, once some become comfortable in a relationship, after a while of the same requests and the same old position in the same old bed with the same routine… Who wants to do all that 5x a week. It gets boring.

No one wants to be in a boring sexual relationship.

So in my opinion, that’s why most people cheat. They get bored.

If the opportunity is there, right in front of them and it excites them… they might get caught up in the moment, and they might cheat.

Plain and simple.

So all in all, I am disappointed with my first co-host experience. I sorta feel like I was hiding my true self.

I should have followed the most important advice I was given…

Just be yourself.

Update…. My 2nd appearance on GettinDEEP for Episode 6 was much more satifying.

Please check out the replays below or go on Itunes under GETTIN DEEP or ROCKDEEP MEDIA.

https://soundcloud.com/kevinandrock/gettin-deep-5-1-13-episode-1

https://soundcloud.com/kevinandrock/gettin-deep-5-8-13-episode-2

https://soundcloud.com/kevinandrock/gettin-deep-5-18-13-episode-3

https://soundcloud.com/kevinandrock/gettin-deep-5-22-13-episode-4

https://soundcloud.com/kevinandrock/gettin-deep-5-29-13-episode-5

http://m.soundcloud.com/#/kevinandrock/gettin-deep-6-5-13-episode-6

Join http://www.facebook.com/GETTINDEEP now for updates.